Dirty Talk, Blissful Surrender Read online

  Tal’s chest constricted and he turned and walked away. Steve followed him.

  “Tal,” Steve said once they were out of earshot of the room, “I understand why you don’t want to go in there right now, but we can wait until Leandra leaves, then you can go in and talk to Sonny.”

  Tal just shook his head as he stepped up to desk at the nurses’ station and put down the flowers.

  “Would you take these to room 404?” he asked the nurse there. “She has a visitor right now and I don’t want to interrupt.”

  “Of course.” The young green-eyed nurse smiled. “They’re beautiful. I’m sure she’ll love them.”

  Tal just nodded his thanks, then continued on his way, Steve following in his wake.

  As soon as he opened the outside door and stepped into the fresh evening air, he breathed in deeply. He knew what he had to do. He wasn’t the right man for Sonny. He knew it. Leandra knew it. Now he had to make sure that Sonny understood it, too.

  *

  Sonny unlocked her apartment door and walked inside, Leandra on her heels. Mia sat on the carpet watching her come in, then stood up and walked away, stiff legged, making it clear she did not approve of Sonny’s absence.

  It had only been overnight, and Leandra had checked up on her, but Mia wasn’t a cat to be reasoned with.

  Sonny placed the two sets of flowers she’d received on the dining table. Some nice cut flowers from Leandra and the big, bright arrangement from Tal. She smiled as she rearranged some of the stems. A clear plastic holder displayed the simple get well card that Tal had simply signed, with no note. The nurse had said he’d been at the hospital to visit her but hadn’t wanted to interrupt her visit with Leandra.

  She wished he had come in. She really wanted to see him.

  “Do you want me to stay and make lunch?” Leandra asked.

  “No, I’m fine. They said I didn’t have a concussion, remember?”

  “I know, but you’ve been through a lot.”

  “I’m fine and I know you have to get back to work. I really appreciate you taking your lunch hour to drive me home.”

  Leandra hugged her. “Of course. That’s what friends do.” She glanced at her watch. “Okay, if you really don’t need me for anything, I’ll head back to the office. I’ll call you tonight.”

  As soon as Leandra left, Sonny walked into the bedroom to find Mia. She was curled up on the bed and Sonny picked her up.

  “Hey, there. Sorry I was gone last night.”

  She gave Mia a snuggle, but Mia wiggled until she worked her way free and bounded from her arms, then trotted off to the living room. Sonny walked to the kitchen, noticing that Mia was now perched on the top of her cat tree looking out the window.

  She sighed. As she opened the fridge to see what she could pull together for lunch, someone knocked on the door. Had Leandra forgotten something?

  She walked to the door and opened it.

  Tal stood facing her.

  Her whole mood brightened—it had taken a hit with Mia’s rejection—and her lips turned up in a wide smile.

  “Tal, I’m so glad to see you.” She wanted to throw herself into his arms, but his expression was guarded. He was probably worried about her.

  “Come in,” she said.

  She stepped back, rather proud of herself that she didn’t even think twice at asking him into her apartment. She’d come such a long way in a short time.

  “Would you like to join me for lunch?” she asked.

  “No, thanks. I heard you arrive and wanted to come by and see if you’re okay.”

  “Yes. They discharged me this morning. I don’t have a concussion.” Her fingers drifted to the bandage on her head. “Just a cut and a bit of bruising. I feel fine.”

  “Good. I’m glad.”

  He sat down in the big armchair and she sat on the couch facing him. Immediately, Mia leaped from her cat tree and bounded onto Tal’s lap. She curled up on his thick, muscular thigh and he stroked her furry body.

  Sonny was jealous. Not because Mia chose to cuddle with Tal instead of her—that was Mia’s way of punishing Sonny for leaving her alone—but because she longed to be on Tal’s lap. And to feel his gentle strokes.

  He pet Mia a little longer, then picked her up and set her on the floor, where she sauntered to the middle of the room and sat down to start licking her paw.

  Tal leaned forward, resting his arms on his thighs, his hands folded. His expression was so serious a chill ran through her.

  “Sonny, we need to talk.”

  Oh, God.

  “Are you going to be charged with assault?” she asked.

  “I don’t know yet. One of the detectives is a friend of Steve’s and he understands the situation, so they’re going to do everything they can to help me out.” He shook his head. “But that’s not what I wanted to talk about.”

  “Okay.”

  “First, I want to apologize for that whole thing. I know that what I did made you uncomfortable. And it was wrong of me to physically assault someone. The thought of what he’d done to you drove me crazy and I just struck out. But that’s no excuse. You, and how you were feeling, should have been my first and only concern.”

  “Oh, Tal. I understand. And I just hope you don’t get charged—”

  He raised his hand, his palm toward her.

  “No. Don’t let me off the hook. I grew up with violence and it seems I’ll always be a violent man.”

  His clouded eyes, filled with pain, made her heart ache.

  “Tal—”

  “Let me finish this. You need to be with a man who is gentle. Who you can trust.”

  “I trust you.”

  His deep blue eyes turned to her, a fire blazing within.

  “Well, you shouldn’t,” he snapped. “I’m bad news for you. Whether you know it or not, I know it. You need to find someone else to take you the rest of the way on your journey.”

  Shock surged through her.

  His hands had balled into fists and there was anguish in his eyes. This wasn’t easy for him. She could see that.

  “I wish I could be the one to help you the rest of the way,” he said, his voice softer, “I really do.” He shook his head. “But I have to do what I think is best for you.”

  “Shouldn’t I be the judge of that?” she asked.

  “Not in this. So I’m ending whatever this is between us.”

  Her world came crashing down around her as she watched him.

  He stood up and strode out the door. A moment later, she heard his apartment door close.

  Oh, God, she’d lost him. The pain in her heart was almost unbearable.

  He’d helped her on a healing journey past the worst trauma of her life. She’d opened up to him. Shared intimacies she had started to doubt she’d ever share with a man again.

  He said she should find someone else to help her on her journey, but how could she do that?

  Since deep in her heart she knew… she was in love with Tal.

  *

  Oh, God, her car wouldn’t start. Sonny turned the key again, and gave it some gas. It made encouraging engine sounds… then died. Again.

  The tension that had wound through her gut coiled tighter… tighter…tighter… then snapped.

  She rested her head on the steering wheel, sucking in air.

  This had been a lousy week. She felt like everything was falling apart around her.

  She hit the dashboard with her fist, then cringed at the pain in her hand.

  Then the tears let loose, streaming down her face.

  She knew she should call Detective Jenson to say she’d be late, but right now the thought of doing anything was totally overwhelming. So she just sat there, letting her tears fall. Sucking in air between her shallow sobs.

  Someone tapped on the window beside her. She drew in a deep breath and lifted her head, then turned toward the sound.

  “Sonny? You okay?” Tal asked, peering in at her.

  Why did it have to be Tal
? The sight of him made her heart ache so badly she could barely breathe.

  She bit her lip, then pressed the button to open the window. But it didn’t move. She grabbed a pack of tissues from the compartment between the seats and wiped her eyes, then she opened the door.

  “The car won’t start,” she said through the crack in the door.

  “Sonny, I find it hard to believe that you’re this upset about your car not starting.”

  Her lips pursed. “Well, it’s been a pretty brutal week.”

  His blue gaze, filled with sympathy, fell squarely on her.”

  “I know it has. Do you want me to take a look under the hood?” he asked.

  She shook her head. “No, thanks. I have to be somewhere. I’ll just have to Uber.”

  “No way. I’ll drive you.”

  “You don’t even know where I’m going.”

  “Doesn’t matter.”

  He offered his hand to help her from the car. She didn’t have the energy to be stubborn, so she took it. The feel of his big, warm hand around hers triggered a wild eruption of tingles quivering through her body.

  She stepped out of the car and he led her through the shadowy underground parking to his car a few lanes over. When he released her hand to open the passenger door, she realized he’d held her hand all the way there.

  But when he released it, she felt such an overwhelming sense of loss, she almost stumbled.

  She got into the car and as soon as he sat in the driver’s seat, she turned to him.

  “I don’t understand why you’re doing this. You broke up with me.”

  “Doesn’t mean I can’t still be a good neighbor. And friend.” His devastating blue eyes locked on her. “Sonny, I still care about you. I just don’t think we should be together.”

  He started the car. “Now where to?”

  *

  Tal insisted on waiting while Sonny met with Detective Jenson. After the meeting, Tal stood up as she walked toward him, then he led her back to the car in silence, sensing her somber mood.

  As soon as they were in the car, he turned to her.

  “Do you want to tell me about it?”

  She sighed, then told him about the other woman who’d been hurt by V.

  “She wasn’t one of D’s captives,” Sonny explained. “He asked her on a date and as soon as he got her alone, bound and brutalized her. The police want to use the threat of prosecuting him with what he did to both of us to try and get him to give up the name of the man who held me prisoner and some of the other men involved.”

  “That’s good. That means they can find him and punish him. So why do you look so upset?”

  “A little I’m worried that V will negotiate to be let off if he gives up the information they want, which means she won’t see justice done. I don’t know if that’s likely to happen, but that would be awful for her… to get her hopes up that he might finally be punished, then have it torn away again.”

  He nodded. “What else?”

  She stared at her hands as she fiddled with her fingers.

  “I had to give Detective Jenson the details of what happened to me. How D kidnapped me. What he did afterward. She asked about the other men. Had me describe them. Tell him what they’d done to me.”

  She realized tears were trickling down her cheek.

  “That must have been really hard, reliving it all again.”

  She sucked in a shaky breath, then lifted her gaze to his.

  “It was.” Her voice broke.

  “Aw, fuck, Sonny.” He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.

  She rested her cheek against his muscular chest and soaked in the comfort of his embrace. His heartbeat—regular and soothing—thumped against her ear. She slid her arms around his waist and hung on tight to him.

  Being this close to him… feeling his masculine heat…pulled her mind from the memory of the horrific experiences she had endured…reminding her of what it was like when she was with Tal. How different it was. How much she trusted him.

  After a few moments passed, he squeezed her.

  “Let’s get you home.”

  She nodded then sat up. He started the car and soon they were on the road.

  When they reached the apartment building, he went up with her instead of continuing with whatever errands he’d been going on earlier when he’d found her in her uncooperative car.

  He stopped at his apartment door.

  “Sonny, if you want to talk some more, or if you just don’t want to be alone right now, you’re welcome to come in.”

  She sent him a half-smile.

  “I’d like that. Thank you.”

  She followed him into his apartment.

  *

  Tal opened the door and led Sonny inside. He gestured for her to sit on the couch.

  “I’ll go make some herbal tea,” he said, then strode into the kitchen and put the kettle on.

  Knowing Sonny was hurting… that she’d had to relive those awful memories… made him ache inside. He wanted to do what he could to be there for her. To be supportive.

  He dropped the tea bag into the pot.

  But he also wanted to pull her into his arms and keep her close to him. To cradle her in his embrace. To kiss her. His body ached at the thought. To do whatever he could to wash away the memories that haunted her.

  But he couldn’t go down that path. Couldn’t let himself be drawn into the desire for her that still burned fiercely inside him.

  Even just holding her in the car had almost been his undoing.

  The kettle boiled and he prepared the tea, then carried the two steaming mugs, into the living room and sat down beside Sonny on the couch.

  Sonny sipped the fragrant blend, then set the mug on the coffee table.

  “Sonny, if there’s anything I can do… tonight or through the process… I’m here for you.”

  “Thank you.” She rested her hand on his and he found himself taking it and squeezing it in his own.

  They sat in silence for a few moments. He knew she probably didn’t want to go back to her apartment and be alone with her thoughts, but he had no idea what to say to her. They were neighbors… and he hoped she considered him a friend… but the fact that they’d shared intimate encounters made it awkward. Especially since he’d ended that part of their relationship.

  “Would you like me to put on a movie or something? Maybe order in a pizza?”

  “No, thanks. I’m not really hungry and…” She lifted her gaze to his. “I’d really rather talk.”

  “Of course. What about?”

  He doubted she wanted to talk about her past right now. Not after that session with the detective. But if she did, he’d listen.

  “I guess it’s not so much that I want to talk as… I’d like to ask a favor. You’ve helped me so much and I have no right to ask for any more, but…”

  “What is it, Sonny?”

  She bit her lip. “You said you don’t think you’re the one to help me with my intimacy problems.”

  “Sonny, please don’t ask me to change my mind.” It had been hard enough to break it off with her. To have her ask him to change his mind while she was so vulnerable would be devastatingly difficult.

  She squeezed his hand. “I’m not asking you to get back together. It’s just…”

  As she gazed up at him, his heart ached.

  “I feel comfortable with you. Last time, you let me see you… having pleasure.”

  Her wide eyes, so sweet and open, exposed her vulnerability.

  “But I never got a chance to touch you. To know what it’s like to feel you in my hands. To feel the pulsing need.” She glanced downward. “I’ve been afraid to be with a man… to touch a man…I believe if I could take that step with you, I might not be so afraid. Then it would be easier to do it again. With someone else.”

  His stomach clenched at the thought of her doing it with anyone else.

  Fuck, he didn’t want her touching anyone but him. And he sure as
hell didn’t want another man touching her. Even thinking about it made him want to break the unknown guy’s head open.

  As the fierce thoughts surged through him, he fought to keep the darkness from his face. This was exactly why he couldn’t continue with Sonny. He couldn’t expose her to his violent disposition.

  She gazed up at him again, her eyes filled with pleading.

  “Please help me with this step.”

  His heart ached. He didn’t want to walk away from her. He wanted to do everything he could to help her past her trauma. And, goddammit, he wanted to touch her. To know what it felt like to stroke her soft breasts. To feel her quivering in his arms.

  But he had to put those urges aside. For her own good.

  But now she was asking a favor. To let her touch him.

  How could he do that without wanting… needing… more?

  “You’re asking to touch my cock?”

  She drew in a breath and nodded.

  Fuck, the thought of her touching him with her soft hands… stroking his hard flesh… had his cock pulsing with need.

  “Sonny, I don’t intend to have sex with you, so if you’re just trying—”

  “No, I’m not. I’m asking for your help.” Her lips turned up in a small, uncertain smile. “I promise, I won’t take advantage of you.”

  His somberness melted away and he chuckled.

  “Shouldn’t that be my line?” he asked.

  Fuck, he wanted this as much as she did. He’d just have to rein in his need. He would not allow this to go too far.

  “All right.”

  *

  Sonny’s stomach fluttered as she took his hand and stood up. This was a little scary, but it also excited her tremendously.

  “Where’s the bedroom?” she asked as she glanced around the apartment.

  He squeezed her hand. “Whoa. I don’t think the bedroom is a good idea. The couch will be fine.”

  She turned to him. “I promised you I wouldn’t take advantage of the situation. You trust me, don’t you?”

  “Yes, of course, but… why the bedroom?”

  “I want to be where you would usually be when you… pleasure yourself. I want to imagine what it would be like if you took me in there and…”

  Her words trailed off. He watched her face, considering, then finally drew in a deep breath.